Which One Is the Beard?

Usher on Martha Stewart:

OK, a few things about this:

1. Usher is gay.
2. Martha seems gay.
3. Putting cherries in a glass of champagne is not a recipe.
4. Usher is gay.

Seriously, though, this is a bummer. You can just feel Martha's skin recoiling at the touch of another human being after so many years, wondering "what is this alien sensation and why does it echo with the impenetrable darkness of an unbearable loneliness?" Or whatever.