Bill O'Reilly Hates the Wrong Things for the Crazy Reasons

Bill O'Reilly talks about Brian De Palma:

It's true that Brian De Palma is "the worst Hollywood guy" and "a true villain," but not for his brutal depiction of the horrors of war as perpetrated by out of control American soldiers, based on a true story. Remember Snake Eyes? Oh yeah, and The Black Dhalia. That shit was horrible.

That's All It Takes to Stay Out of the Army? Broheim?

The Undersecretary of Defense Personnel discusses the military's new standard in regards to criminal records and drug use:

The suggestion here that many of our legislators would need a waiver to join the army because of past drug use is not so much "cheeky" as a "shockingly thorough explanation of why so few of these assholes ever served."

Mitt Romney Is a Clown

Mitt Romney talks about Fred Thompson at Tuesday's debate:

It's not unreasonable for politicians to want to be funny. Being funny is charming. It makes you feel more approachable, relatable, relaxed. But there is a thin line between wanting to be funny and actually being funny. Not that it matters for these guys. They're all pretty deep into unfunny territory, hiding in the bushes, smearing cliches on their face for camouflage, but you can see them coming a mile away.

The Mayor of Atlantic City Is AWOL

Over the past 40 years, five mayors have plead guilty or been convicted of criminal charges? Half of the city's last eight mayors have been investigated for corruption? Atlantic City needs to get better at having mayors who are not also criminals. In an article I read, it said that on the morning mayor Robert Levy disappeared he "called in sick to City Hall." Classic. Bueller? Bueller?

Conservative Partylines Are Mitt Romney's Anti-Drug

A young man with muscular dystrophy questions Mitt Romney about medical marijuana:

There is nothing funny about muscular dystrophy, and hats are off to this brave kid for putting Romney's feet to the fire. But while Mr. Romney used his slick politician techniques (namely smiles and aggressive handshaking momentum) to avoid having to deal with the minefield of the issue, I think I can give the young man the direct answer he was looking for: No. No, as president, Mitt Romney will not come arrest you and your doctors. I don't think he would even be allowed to do that, would he? Not that I'm not in favor of every president being issued a sheriff's badge.

Danny Bonadouche Brings the Pain

Danny Bonaduce body slams former Survivor contestant, Johnny Fairplay, at the Reality TV Awards:

I don't know who Johnny Fairplay is, or what kind of awards you could possibly win for being on a reality show four years ago, or why it was taped in a church basement, but I do know that Danny Bonaduce will not be stopped until we strap him into a missile and launch him into the sun.